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cloudryder

Re: Miscl Poems, Stories, tidbits, jokes, etc
Posted: Jul 22, 2009 at 11:34 AM
Roping A Deer (Names have been removed to protect the stupid!)

----------------------

I had this idea that I was going to rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it.

The first step in this adventure was getting a deer. I figured that, since they congregate at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear of me when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away), it should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over its head (to calm it down) then hog tie it and transport it home.

I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope.

The cattle, having seen the roping thing before, stayed well back. They were not having any of it.

After about 20 minutes, my deer showed up -- 3 of them. I picked out.. ..a likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the feeder, and threw.. .my rope. The deer just stood there and stared at me.

I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would have a good hold. The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could tell it was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation.

I took a step towards it...it took a step away. I put a little tension on the rope and then received an education.

The first thing that I learned is that, while a deer may just stand there looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to action when you start pulling on that rope.

That deer EXPLODED.

The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is a L OT stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range I could fight down with a rope and with some dignity.

A deer-- no chance.

That thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled. There was no controlling it and certainly no getting close to it. As it jerked me off my feet and started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me that having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I had originally imagined.

The only up side is that they do not have as much stamina as many other animals.

A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. It took me a few minutes to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the blood flowing out of the big gash in my head. At that point, I had lost my taste for corn-fed venison. I just wanted to get that devil creature off the end of that rope.

I figured if I just let it go with the rope hanging around its neck, it would likely die slow and painfully somewhere. At the time, there was no love at all between me and that deer. At that moment, I hated the thing, and I would venture a guess that the feeling was mutual.

Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots where I had cleverly arrested the deer's momentum by bracing my head against various large rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I could still think clearly enough to recognize that there was a small chance that I shared some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were in, so I didn't want the deer to have to suffer a slow death, so I managed to get it lined back up in between my truck and the feeder - a little trap I had set before hand...kind of like a squeeze chute.

I got it to back in there and I started moving up so I could get my rope back.

Did you know that deer bite? They do! I never in a million years would have thought that a deer would bite somebody, so I was very surprised when I
reached up there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of my wrist.

Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where they just bite you and then let go. A deer bites you and shakes its head --almost
like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts.



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cloudryder

Re: Miscl Poems, Stories, tidbits, jokes, etc
Posted: Jul 22, 2009 at 11:36 AM
cont...

The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and draw back slowly. I tried screaming and shaking instead. My method was
ineffective. It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several minutes, but it was likely only several seconds.

I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be questioning that claim by now), tricked it.

While I kept it busy tearing the tendons out of my right arm, I reached up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose. That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for the day.

Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up on their back feet and strike right about head and shoulder level, and their hooves
are surprisingly sharp. I learned a long time ago that, when an animal -- like a horse --strikes at you with their hooves and you can't get away easily, the best thing to do is try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive move towards the animal. This will usually cause them to back down a bit so you can escape.

This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously, such trickery would not work. In the course of a millisecond, I devised a different strategy. I screamed like a girl and tried to turn and run.

The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a horse that paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will hit you in the
back of the head. Deer may not be so different from horses after all, besides being twice as strong and 3 times as evil, because the second I turned to run, it hit me right in the back of the head and knocked me down.

Now, when a deer paws at you and knocks you down, it does not immediately leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has passed. What they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you while you are laying there crying like a little girl and covering your head.

I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went away.


------

So now I know why, when people go deer hunting they bring a rifle with a scope to sort of even the odds.


Author UNK

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texaslawman

Re: Miscl Poems, Stories, tidbits, jokes, etc
Posted: Aug 3, 2009 at 11:35 AM
Little Wrinkles


Y'ever wonder ‘bout those little wrinkles that life puts in our way?
Seems like sometimes they just come along to booger up our day.
But in this stressful world we live, little wrinkles have their place.
They move from our environment and end up on our face.
I'm proud of all these wrinkles. I'm sure I've earned every one.
They're reminders of the life I've led and all the things I've done.
Like a road map on my body, each one leads me down
Some trail that I have taken, that makes me who I am.
I've walked the straight and narrow path and took a low road now and then.
I've bridged some gaps between us, then crossed them once, again.
I've took the road less traveled and climbed a hill or two.
I've scaled the walls of mountains and sailed some lakes of blue.
I've balanced on the thin blue line and walked in abject fear
Of falling off in shades of gray where nothing seems so clear.
I've stumbled and I've fallen short...gave in to foolish pride
And dusted off my broken heart, ‘til I healed up inside.
Yes, all these little wrinkles, that life puts in our day,
Are really little road maps that help us find our way.
As we travel down each road, until this life is through,
It's all the little wrinkles that make us me and you.


R. Atkinson




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cavalry

Re: Miscl Poems, Stories, tidbits, jokes, etc
Posted: Aug 4, 2009 at 12:14 AM
He rode thru the day with the sun at his back...and into the night storm with thunder boomin' and lightnin' flashin with a crack...

Two...maybe three days ahead of him was a town...One that spent alotta time trackin' him down...

He received a telegraph a week or so prior as he was tendin' his stock at home...When he loaded his tool of the trade knowin' he wouldn't be alone...

Brought enough water to make it thru the pass...if he ran out he'd be dead and fast...

The locals had tainted the waterin' holes knowin he was on his way...leavin' a poisonous end for any cattle that happened to stray...

The graph said his path wouldn't be an easy one by any means...He'd have to rely on his own savvy and beliefs...

The town he'd been called to was as rough as a javalinas hide...but he knew there was some folks that carried burden inside...

His journey was tough and was bound to get worse...as he rode into town just at dusk...all that could be heard was a verse...

In a low steady voice that drew all attention...clear without murmer, he talked of Hell and it's rapid assencion...

Then He spoke of fire and brimstone being beaten down by glory and forgiveness...how by mornin' the meanest of the town would be on thier knees crying in repent...

They called on him...called him by name...now it was time to make them wish he'd never came...

He stepped down from his steed, feelin' thier need...and carefully unclothed his weapon of choice...the Bible, written by The Lords own Voice...

He was a ruthless gunfighter in the past and still carried the stance...but he posed a much greater fear to the wicked now...He's a Preacher Man.


Phil J. Parks
8-3-09
(Copywrite)

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classycowgirl55

Re: Miscl Poems, Stories, tidbits, jokes, etc
Posted: Aug 17, 2009 at 7:33 PM
Subject: Fw: Ten Top Exercises to Become a Better Equestrian

Top 10 Exercises to Become a Better Equestrian
They say it takes seven falls to make a rider. But there's a lot more to it than that. Check out this humorous list of 10 simple exercises that will help you become a better equestrian.


10. Drop a heavy steel object on your foot. Don't pick it up right away. Shout, "Get off, Stupid, GET OFF!"

9. Leap out of a moving vehicle and practice "relaxing into the fall." Roll lithely into a ball and spring to your feet.

8. Learn to grab your checkbook out of your purse and write out a $200 check without even looking down.

7. Jog long distances carrying a halter and a carrot. Go ahead and tell the neighbors what you are doing - they might as well know now.

6. Affix a pair of reins to a moving freight train and practice pulling to a halt. Smile as if you are having fun.

5. Hone your fibbing skills: "See hon, moving hay bales is FUN!" and "No, really, I'm glad your lucky performance and multimillion dollar horse won the blue ribbon. I am just thankful that my hard work and actual ability won me second place."

3. Borrow the US Army's slogan: Be All That You Can Be -- bitten, thrown, kicked, slimed, trampled, frozen...

2. Lie face down in a puddle of mud in your most expensive riding clothes and repeat to yourself, "This is a learning experience, this is a learning experience, this is .."

1. THE NUMBER ONE EXERCISE TO BECOME A BETTER EQUESTRIAN: Marry money.






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hollysjubilee

Re: Miscl Poems, Stories, tidbits, jokes, etc
Posted: Nov 27, 2009 at 7:50 PM
I received this recently dated poem from a friend, Karen Everhart, who lives in nearby Sedan, KS, and manages Rainbow Meadows Ranch. I do not know if the author is known to Karen.

I sent this poem to several dear women friends this morning, but then got to thinking that the sentiments expressed are not exclusive to women . . . and since many of us ES members are not the spring chickens we used to be, there may be more of us than not who find affirmation through the emotions and thoughts shared by the author.

Whatever it is that constitutes one's dreams; whatever it is that brings joy to one's life; it strengthens our spirits and keeps us open to learning if we continue participating in some aspect of that activity whether through physical contact or by staying in relationship to other people who love what we love.

Enjoy :)

************************************
Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow and the Day After

Yesterday, for the first time,
I was too tired to ride
I was afraid I would be hurt if I was thrown
I heard someone say my barn was too shabby
I let someone tell me I was too pudgy to ride
I realized I was old
I had to face that I could no longer keep up
I had to let go of my dreams
I felt my heart break
I turned my back on my friend
I knew I was done

Today, for the last time,
I felt warm, braided leather in my hands.
I ran my stirrups up so they wouldn't bang my mare's sides
I released the buckles on the girth and watched my girl sigh
I slowly dropped the bit so it wouldn't hit her teeth
I gave my mare a cookie to thank her for the ride
I buried my head in her soft, warm neck
I inhaled the sun and the dust in her long winter coat
I closed the gate and trudged to the muddy porch
I tracked hay and horse hair into my house
I pulled off my boots and felt the sting of warm blood returning to my
cold toes

Today, for the first time,
I cried after my ride
I felt my hands shake as I set the saddle on its rack
I hugged my young trainer a final goodbye
I waited for the new owner's trailer to arrive
I set my boots in a box to go to the Goodwill
I sighed at the wear on my riding gloves
I had no hay in my hair
I did not hear nickering when I opened my back door
I felt worse leaving the barn that I did when I entered
I had no one to check on before going to bed

Tomorrow, for the first time,
I won't have to buy hay
I can stay in bed longer
I won't see the poop pile grow
I won't be able to fly on four legs
I will be sorry I listened
I will regret letting her go
I will be angry at God
I will be angry at myself
I will cry the day away
I will be glad to die

Day after tomorrow, for the first time,
I will awaken in tears
I will know I was wrong
I will defy all the judgment
I will ignore my old bones
I will return the buyer's check
I will bring my friend home
I will take my boots out of the box
I will be reborn

For the rest of my life,
I will have a horse in my yard
I will ignore the cruel judging
I will watch the poop pile grow
I will have hay in my hair
I will track mud in my house
I will bury my face in her soft neck
I will let my soul fly
I will never be alone.

I Hung up my Bridle Today
by Kris Garrett
11-11-09


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cntrygirlathrt

Re: Miscl Poems, Stories, tidbits, jokes, etc
Posted: Dec 19, 2009 at 6:38 PM
Merry Christmas to all of those that we owe our lives to.

It’s What They Do

They pick up and leave at a moments notice, it’s what they do
They put their lives on the line everyday for someone they don’t even know and for a way of life that others take for granted, it’s what they do.
They leave their families and loved ones behind to give others a chance, a life with hope, a life with freedom, it’s what they do.
They make calls to home however brief just to say I love you. I’ll be home soon even though they are not sure when they will be returning, it’s what they do.
They carry tattered pictures of their families, bringing them out each evening, talking to them and caressing the photo, holding together their lives like a thread holding together a priceless heirloom, it’s what they do.
They are the husbands, wives, mothers, brothers, sons and daughters that serve in our military, they are the police officers and firemen that serve. They are the ones that sacrifice their lives each day for the right to live, love and be free and safe. For that I am thankful.
For those that are away from home this Christmas season, their families and for those that will not make it home this Christmas or all the Christmas’s to come my heart, thoughts and prayers are with you and your loved ones


Kath

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amyfree

Re: Miscl Poems, Stories, tidbits, jokes, etc
Posted: Jan 15, 2010 at 9:52 PM
And one more because I think it might appeal.

Wish
Sometimes, in the dark of night, I close my eyes and imagine that I am with you, lying on bedrolls under a night sky brilliantly clear with the Milky Way spread across the heavens. Fingers entwined, not speaking, listening to the night calls of earth and creature alike…the crack of weakened stone, the call of a predator, the scratching of myriad insects and little animals. One of the horses stamps a hoof, and blows softly. And I don’t know who sees it first… but your fingers tighten on mine as a star falls across the night sky, and in that instant my wish comes true, so I leave the wish…
for you.

1999

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wildestreak

Re: Miscl Poems, Stories, tidbits, jokes, etc
Posted: Jan 16, 2010 at 5:40 AM
I recently said good-bye to an old friend. He was my first horse as an adult, he taught me how to ride again. Tears stream down my cheeks, I am so glad for him, He's running in lush green pasture, no pain, he is the "King" again.
I called him Marsh, short for Marshmellow, he was "King" of our herd until his accident, then he was no longer the king. This is a dedication to him. I found it on a farms website, they said the author is unknown.

"The New Me - How I Soar!"

A star is seen through darkness -
and not by light of day.
Though it's not seen with human eyes -
it has not gone away.
I did not come here just to die -
But live forever more.
The old me is in the ground -
The new me - How I soar!
When all is quiet, just listen -
For you may hear me neigh
And know that I am prancing
Across the Milkey Way!
So be done with your grieving
Wipe all tears from your eyes -
Someday you'll see me running -
Across God's Big Blue Sky!

Until we meet on the trail again -
I Love You Marsh...

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texaslawman

Re: Miscl Poems, Stories, tidbits, jokes, etc
Posted: Jan 25, 2010 at 12:18 AM
Don't Touch My Hat

Y'ever hit the dancehall on a Saturday night and find a good place to sit down?
If ya have then ya know that ya got there early, ‘cause otherwise there's none to be found.

Now, a new problem starts as you sit in your chair and relish your victory won.
When ya get up to dance whatcha think is the chance that your seat will be gone when you're done?

So, you develop a plan and reach with one hand and pluck the hat from your head.
Then protect your prized chair by sittin' it there as off to the dance floor you're led.

You twist and you twirl with some pretty girl and for the moment, everything's swell.
Then you go to sit down, but your hat can't be found and you start gettin' madder than hell!

Seems some sorry rat has taken your hat and moved it a few tables back.
Now, only a fool breaks this simple rule, "YOU DON'T TOUCH ANOTHER MAN'S HAT!"

So, you calmly walk over to talk to the "rover" who occupies the seat where you sat.
Then you calmly inquire as you hide your fire, "Excuse me. Did you move my hat?"

Not much more than a kid, he says, "Yes I did., ‘cause there was no other place to sit down ."
So you think to yourself, "Do I educate this elf or do I stomp his dumb ass in the ground.

You decide on plan one and say "Listen here, son. Let me give you one piece of advice."
"Never touch a man's hat. There's nothin' ruder than that. You need to learn to be nice.

But, he ain't too impressed as you help him your best to understand this one simple rule.
So, you abandon plan one and then just for fun switch over to plan number two.

R. Atkinson


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